“Have you heard the one about the Telvanni chef? Her idea of a hot meal was burning down the tower!”
– Guard at Kragenmoor, Stonefalls
“Sheesh, you forget one plate of Fishy Sticks in the oven, burn down one mushroom tower, you hear about it for years. This is why I don’t cook.” – Zellfire
Dear Diary,
I am at my wit’s end, dearest Diary! I have worked and slaved and am I appreciated? No! Not at ALL. Does anyone ever appreciate the fact that I can make smelly kwama eggs into a delicacy or that I can cook gristly mammoth meat until it’s so tender it melts in one’s mouth? No, they do not. I am a Master level Artisan! And no one cares. Instead my clients send me the wadded up remains of their last meal with scribbled notes: “30 more like this”. As though cooking of my caliber could ever be mass produced! Or should be! But no, why enjoy a lovely seven-course dinner with complimentary dishes designed to create a proper flavor profile when instead you can shove a stack of pork sausage or “Venison Pasty” into one little corner of your camping bag and call it a meal?
I despise Venison Pasty, Diary. There’s no… civilization in it. None whatsoever.
And then! Now I’m hearing they’ve all decided they want to eat what they find on the road and are only ordering my specialty drinks. Diary, you know I enjoy a nice Crème de Menthe as much as the next connoisseur, but one cannot live exclusively on roots, berries, and Night-Grog! Sacré Bleu!
I am an Artiste, Diary; I should be cooking for Kings. But instead I am mass-producing batches of alcohol for reckless hooligans with indiscriminate palettes. War is indeed hell, just as they say.
Screen name: Zelliah d’Argent
aka: d’Argent
Sorcerer, Daggerfall Covenant
Crafter alt – Provisioning
Breton
Some version of a d’Argent has been my bank alt since Ultima Online. If they get played at all, d’Argents are usually some form of moon priestess. (“Argent” is a French word that can refer to both silver and money.) In ESO, Zelliah wields a Khaji’it destruction staff and dresses in light grays and blues, but that’s the extent of her moon theme here.
D’Argent’s Provisioning skill is the first skill in ESO that I’ve capped out. A couple of weeks ago I took her out and leveled her up until I had enough skill points to buy all the crafting skills she will ever need, unless/until new skills are added. She is now permanently retired from combat, has been stripped of all adventuring gear, and spends her time cooking and holding inventory.
Zelliah d’Argent will not be writing home to anyone, but I am looking forward to writing her diary entries. 🙂
Letters From Tamriel 